I wanted to make a more elaborate post, but I realize that I need to have some more time to plan out what I want to say on those. But I've let enough time pass since my last post that I should just try to keep this active.
The ~mystery illness~ was more or less a mix of allergies and dry eye. My doctor recommended drops, a multivitamin, and allergy meds, so there's that. I think the eye drops made the biggest difference since I'm back to normal now! It did throw my whole week off though, so I feel out of it since I didn't do as much journaling as I would like. It's whatever though!
I also bought some generic batteries and chargers for my two digital cameras that I haven't used in... 15 years at this point? One's a Canon PowerShot and another one is an Olympus. Right now I'm trying them both just to see which one would be the best one to use. It looks like Canon is working better, but we'll see.
I'm NOT looking forward to the cold weather this week. It's my turn to do new hire trainings tomorrow so I have to be in the office. It's going to be in the teens with negative wind chills, and we're going to have single digit highs over the weekend... AUGH! I'm kinda hoping no one shows up for the training tomorrow, but considering I work in healthcare that's not going to be possible.
Okay, that's it for now, but seeing as I'll be holed up for most of the week, maybe I can start blogging some more.
I was going to start this by saying I didn't do a good enough job of preparing for this week, but I don't think ANYTHING could have prepared me for it.
Work was a roller coaster. Some days were quiet, other days were off the walls. Just people trying to get their shit together in the new year but then take it out on us when we can't give them what they want. You would think, nearing four years in this current job, that I'd get better with dealing with people. But it still feels like I'm stuck in fawn mode! It doesn't help anyone and it certainly doesn't help me :/
I've also been dealing with a mystery illness (or maybe allergy). All of a sudden, my left eye is watery and extremely sensitive to the light, my nose is runny, I woke up yesterday with a headache, and my vision just seems... off. I don't know how to describe it except that I can see, but everything seems bleary. I got the worst of it when I woke up today, and I can't even lay in bed and watch TV without my eye getting watery. I had something like this around Christmas time but it got better before New Years, so I don't know if there's some sort of allergen pestering me, or if I'm getting a mystery illness. Either way, I'm getting very tired of it! and that's on top of all the other bullshit that's happened this week that isn't in my immediate control. I'm trying not to start 2026 off on the wrong foot when it comes to things I can control but... I don't know. It might be an uphill battle which is why I'm glad I'm not prioritizing resolutions until February.
I also realize that perusing through Substack on topics that are rather sensitive to me might not help with my mood. I don't know, anything to do with dating, womanhood, and adulthood in general really mess with me. I know I have to read stuff that makes me uncomfortable, but there are things I read that remind that I'm Not Normal. But that's a whole other can of worms that I'm not sure I want to open on here.
Anyway, moving away from the rough parts of the week, here are the nicer parts of the week!
Last Friday, I went with some of my relatives to take pictures of the Christmas lights at the zoo before they were taken down for the season. It'd been a couple of years since I've been there, and I haven't been able to take pictures with my digital camera. I've want to pick up photography again, so that was as good a time to do it. I'm planning on submitting one or two of these to a contest at my photography club. But here's one I'll share (if it looks weird, I was trying to sharpen it because unfortunately some of the pictures came out blurry. I 'm using GIMP for the first time in years so I'm still working on it.
I also went to a local hockey game last Sunday! I've never been to one beyond my brother's hockey games in school, but I had lots of fun with it! I'm not big on sports but I love the energy that surrounds it. It's very invigorating!
I'm also very excited for Robyn's new album. Loved "Talk to Me" and "Sexistential" was a grower. I wasn't sure about the latter at first, but I remember that she's always had goofy and sexy lyrics, and the line "I like to go out, wear something nice, and PUSH!" has been in my head for the past few days. So at least there's that!
Hopefully once I feel better I'll post at least once a week. I think I'm starting to get used to blogging on here but I don't have enough stuff going on to blog every day (at least for now...)
I started off this post with the various "voices" I try to write in, but now I'm having a hard time trying to express myself on that front, and I have a bunch of other thoughts going on at the same time. So this will be a couple of different thoughts on one post.
Finding my Writing Voice:
Whenever I try to write something, there's always multiple voices trying to say the same thing, in different tones and styles. I can't tell which one of those is my true voice these days. Those voices are:
Casual, but intellectual - Think of those personal essays from Substack or Medium at its peak. It feels matter-of-fact, and a little sassy.
Memer - quirky TikTokers and IG influencers spouting off jokes they found off of Tumblr posts and tweets
Jaded/cynical - Being on the outside looking in, and feeling like every single trend or Big Thing either just blows up or fades away (because I've seen it happen enough times in the 15+ years I've used social media (and the internet as a whole for even longer) to know that's what usually happens.
It seems like those voices are all trying to seep into my writing. Even when I narrow it down, I'm immediately thinking "God, you're so FAKE you're writing the same way EVERYONE is writing their stuff!" I think this is just something I'll have to work through as I write more.
Resolutions:
Having read Stevie K's post about her day and the resolutions she's been making, I've been thinking about how I approach them. In previous years, I felt like I had to get on the ball with them or else it just won't happen. But recently, I've been trying to be a little kinder to myself, and I realized that I don't really have to start on all of these now. I don't even have to start them in January. I'm just coming off from the holidays, I'll be working in the office again tomorrow after working remote for the past two weeks, and work is probably going to pick up again. Just re-orienting myself and getting some rest feels more important. I've started on some easier resolutions just so I can try out some different things, but overall I just want to chill out a bit before I act on anything big.
Some of the resolutions I have are:
Read at least 15 books
Eat more veggies and fruits
Finish at least two of my notebooks
Move out of my parents' house
Use up my crafting supplies before getting new ones.
Be more assertive
Some of these are easier and take less time than others, so I don't have to pressure myself to start now. Just gradually including things and not being afraid to screw up are probably going to be what gets me to finish a good chunk of these.
Foals 4evahhhh
One thing I look forward to at the beginning of the year is when my favorite bands and singers post about working on music. Because more than likely, they're putting something out this year. Case in point, my favorite band in the last few years, Foals, announced that they were working on a new record. Now THAT is a Christmas present I've been wanting, because their last album came out three and a half years ago and they've been pretty quiet ever since... I'm SO. HYPED. This is probably embarrassing to say at my age, but for the past year I've been having dreams about them putting out new music, so to actually have this in reality? Yay, I'm no longer being taunted in my dreams <333
I listened to Lolo Zouai for the first time in a while and forgot how much I liked her music, and she also announced that she's turned in her new album. It'll be a bit before we hear anything, but I'm very excited to see it what that brings us. My fingers are crossed that Robyn's new album is coming out this year, because I LOVED Dopamine and I really want to hear more! I'm also trying to manifest more music from Mitski, Sofia Isella, and Chloe Qisha, but we'll see how that turns out. Lol!
Bits and Bobs
- Something that I missed from Deviantart (yes, I was on dA as a teenager, big mistake) was getting to list what you were currently listening to/reading/drinking etc. I might do something like that on here. Not sure how I want to organize it though.
- I'm EXTREMELY tempted to buy the Tamagotchi Paradise Jade Forest. I have the ocean type but I love the animals on the Jade Forest so much ;__; but I'm trying to do a no-spend for the first few months of the year, so that will have to be for later.
- I think using one of my many notebooks as a place to jot down blog ideas would be the way to go. Once I finished writing about the writing voices it actually started to get easier to write this particular post, but it'll be nice to have a separate place to list the ones I want to write about and expand on those
I think I'll cut it here for now, so here's a funny dog video to finish up this blog!
I didn't think I would ever see myself create a Blogger account, but here we are! Although Tumblr has been my preferred blogging site for roughly 15 years (on and off), it more or less feels like a casual hangout where I can shoot the breeze with my online friends about music and other things. Substack felt somewhat daunting because of the long-form aspect, and feeling like I have to be say something poignant. At least that's how I felt lurking through the site for the past couple of years. Seeing Lilly Ashton post on her Blogger account helped me feel more comfortable with giving this place a shot.
So... yeah! My name's Maddie, I'm a 30-something woman living in the Midwest trying to make something out of my life beyond work. This blog will be more or less personal. I also want to develop my voice/writing style and feel more comfortable with expressing myself, so this blog might be all over the place. But I'm excited to use this more!
